Have you ever had a friend like this?
The kind of person with whom it doesn’t matter:
- What you do
- Where you are
- How you both feel
Because you just know that, no matter what, the fact that you are together makes everything better.
Just hanging out with them is synonymous for having a good time.
To know them is to love them.
To have them as a regular part of your life is a blessing.
Such friendships are extremely rewarding (so while I’m at it, if any friends are reading this, big shout out to you!).
I’ve even heard people say that the quality of our relationships determine the quality of our lives (and while it may not be that black and white, I have little doubt it’s one of the determining factors).
But I digress, great friends: the kind of friends that make you feel glad to be where you are, wherever you are and whatever is happening. Because you’re sharing that moment with them.
What if you could be such a friend to yourself?
To become such a person for yourself, to build such a friendship, changes your every waking moment.
In fact, it changes your every non-waking moment too. Because even in your dreams, the one person who is certainly with you is you.
Think about what a life hack this truly is:
- If you want to have fun, you know you can always go and have fun with your good friend, you.
- If you’re feeling emotional, you know your good friend, you, is always there for you.
- If you’re wondering whether you could ever be friends with benefits. Yup! Your good friend, you, is probably down with that. It may cause you to go blind though, so be careful.
— …but isn’t this a very lonely and self-centered way to live? —
Au contraire, mon frère.
Nothing is stopping you from still hanging out with other people.
No one is telling you to self-isolate and pretend we don’t need each other in life.
It’s not an either/or thing. It’s an enrichment for everyone involved. The better our relationship with ourselves, the better our relationships with other people.
And this is the case for everyone involved.
When we haven’t learned to be a good friend to ourselves, we can easily enter abusive or manipulative dynamics with people who know which of our buttons to push.
When you have a great friend in yourself, that is much less likely to happen (echoing last week’s post on narcissism vs self-love).
The other thing is:
You are hanging out with yourself all the time, whether you want to or not.
You do have an existing relationship with yourself.
The only question is whether that relationship currently resembles a great friendship to you, or something else.
And the good news is, since you’re with yourself 24/7, there’s plenty of time and opportunity to improve the relationship.
here are some journal prompts you can play with to get started:
- How do my favorite friends treat me?
- What is it about how my favorite friends show up towards me that feels so good?
- How do I look at my favorite friends and relate to what they do that makes me love them?
- What is it about the way we respond to each other’s comments/actions that makes us have fun together?
- How do I treat myself?
- How do I show up towards myself?
- How do I look at myself and how does that make me feel?
- How do I respond to my own comments and actions?
It can also be a really powerful experience to do these together with a friend and then compare your results afterwards.
This way you will also both see the difference in how others perceive you or relate to you, and you can start integrating both perspectives.
I hope these can inspire a great(er) friendship with your 24/7 companion!
And if that’s already the case, perhaps just greater intimacy.
(Photo by Walter Randlehoff on Unsplash)